What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 07:53
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Ive learnt so much.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
What sexual experience did you have at a highway rest area?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
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I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We were not on the streets..
Especially a lifetime of it.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Comes on , in middle age.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
What is the cost of implementing synchronized traffic lights in a mid-sized city?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
If a female has XX chromosomes and a male has XY chromosomes, what chromosomes do transgenders have?
This is soul school!.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
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I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
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I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And i lived it daily.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
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He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But it wasn’t much.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She was in good health!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
What makes females believe or think abortions are part of a woman’s rights?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
(And it was in our own minds.)
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For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My family never makes their pension either.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
When she asked me how she looked .
So, i spoilt her more .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She found it foreign!.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I have no regrets .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She married twice! .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Im still living with it.
Put me off passion for life!!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I said to her
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He resisted the act ,that day.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
So whats the point in blame.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My life is so biszare .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
All the time i was locked up.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was scared of men, in general
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She wouldn,t have been !
I never cut or harmed myself..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I waited trembling.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I was very sick at this time too.
Who then, do I blame.?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I was seconnd youngest,
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I write beautiful poetry .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He knew the spot.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I think the readers, may guess!
One cannot live in the past .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We all went to grammer schools
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
It was going to be , some day.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Why did i forgive my father ?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was 9 years of age.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Would this be the day?
I don,t even have a pension.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
What did i know ?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Was to survive, this bastard.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I will be 64.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But, we were locked up after school.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She loved him until the end.